Grumped: BA turning into Ryanair

In a massive traffic jam on the M25 having been picked up from T5 by a taxi driver. So a Grumped moment is at my finger tips...

Milan trip was good. I even managed to catch a bit of the old part of the city with a late night walk followed by an alfresco beer with Chair and our my lovely client. All very pleasant although it was pointed out that my eyes were blood shot and I looked like hell (the daily disposable contact lenses are very unforgiving after 18 hours of wear).

My Grumped moment relates to my flight out to Milan on Saturday.

I stupidly attempted to check in two bags. My micro suitcase and a laptop bag (doubling up as an 'on-site event bag'). The latter contained scissors and all manner of other sharp pointy things that you cannot take through Security - and hence why I wanted to check it in.

Anyway I wasn't allowed to without paying £35 pounds as my ticket only allowed one bag to be checked in. This was despite the fact that both bags together weighted less than my allowance.
Most annoying and out from my mouth popped the title of this post. This was met by a harsh look - batted back with my most smiley of smiles. 'Frosty' then couldn't - I guessed faked - not being able to print me a receipt and inconvenienced me further with a trip to the baggage desk where 'Incompetent' was unable after 10 minutes to print me a receipt.

Learnings from experience:

• Don't fly British Airways - I know they are our national carrier but they are expensive and don't give you a better experience
• Remember to get your jumbo suitcase from storage before you fly
• Pay a few pounds to have your small case cocooned in 200 metres of security plastic wrapping. As the Spice Girls said "two becomes one" and you don't pay the extra (as I did on my return journey)

So ziga zig argh BA. I hope the £35 compensates for my new BA avoidance strategy.

Grumped: Cartier watches

A few years ago when I was employed by someone else to run their agency (rather than run my own) and I was earning too much money (ergo: I don’t earn loads now!!!), I made a very frivolous purchase.

That purchase was a Cartier watch - it cost several thousand pounds. The thrill of buying it was amazing and it came in the BIGGEST box that you have ever seen (about 30 cm by 30 cm by 20 cm) to house a watch. But the box did come with two straps (a metal one and a leather one) plus an all important lifetime guarantee – which I was told by the jewellers to keep safe and they did all the necessary stamping to it to prove purchase etc.

I have to say that I really loved that watch and wore it every day for more than five years. Now a while back it started to lose time and making a weird clucking noise. So I hocked out the lifetime guarantee from the aforementioned box and took it back to the jewellers. They filled out all the paperwork, keeping the lifetime guarantee documentation and I paid the £20 charge to get the watch sent off to Cartier. I got a call from the jewellers about two weeks later telling me to come and pick up my watch. So in I go to collect it. On arrival and I am informed that Cartier has said that they cannot mend the watch under the lifetime guarantee because they believe the watch has been ‘knocked’.

Now first of all I cannot recall the fateful knock – but the chances are that a watch is going to get ‘knocked’. For hell’s sake it’s a watch that has wrapped around my left wrist for five years. Secondly, and this is the bit that really annoyed me, Cartier said that for £300 they could service the watch and that they felt that would fix the problem!!!

There is no way that I am going to pay Cartier another £300 to get that watch fixed. I am not sure if I am cutting off my nose to spite my face here but I am really cross about the principle that I made this purchase with a belief in a globally renown luxury brand’s lifetime guarantee.

I have read the small print of the guarantee and it really does turn out to be a worthless piece of paper with ‘get out’ after ‘get out’ clause. I have tried to search the Internet to see if other people share my frustration – but you cannot find anything as Google searches just bring up thousands of pages selling either fake or second hand Cartier watches.

With hindsight I look back on the Cartier purchase as something actually embarrassing. In these current credit crunch times, as us Westerners feel a bit squeezed and our charitable donations have declined, there are millions of people around the world who are suffering as a result. That watch now symbolises something a bit obscene and what is wrong with the world in which we all lived a few years back...

• That I felt the need to demonstrate my worth by buying into the luxury myth - a watch shouldn’t cost thousands of pounds – it’s just plain dumb
• Big brands, such as banks and those purporting to be luxury are in many instances just hollow worthless shells – they have no substance or care for their customers and make them feel like duped fools

I am not a tree hugger (although I am sure that an embrace of a three hundred year old oak tree might help us put our small periods on this planet in perspective), however I do hope that as we all come out of this recession that we can individually and collectively wise up. That we recognise what is valuable, solid and worthy of our attention and investment.

Boy this post opened up a can of worms!

Grumped: You can glue it if you B&Q it

Ok, ok, I know it is my own fault for not going to Homebase for my Easter weekend DIY needs...

Chad and I stupidly went to B&Q (groan) so it's my own fault for getting myself covered head to toes in contact adhesive.

It is especially my own fault because it was B&Q branded adhesive (ok it was 'IT' branded which is their rubbish kitchen range but you have to give me some dramatic license here), I mean it actually had a B&Q logo on it - so I was simply asking for trouble...

I pick up a tube of glue today in the 'Orange Hell' and the tube (and it turns out every other tube of glue in that box) had a split in the top of them. I walked down the aisle and with the tube in my hand, hear a weird squirting sound, and next thing I know I look down and the tube has covered me (jacket, cardigan, jeans, shoes and bag) in fringin' glue. I was so angry that I nearly took off through the leaking prefabricated roof. Poor Chad didn't know what to do (other than look a bit scared and suggest that we get another tube!!!). Thankfully he didn't laugh as I might have started crying as there was a major excess of adrenaline in my veins at that exact point.

Anyway I get dumped at the paint counter by an assistant with some wet wipes to try and get the glue off me - which I proceed to smear deep into the fibres of my clothes. After asking TWICE I was taken off to see the manager. He was actually very nice and wrote me a letter of apology on the spot (with instructions on the dry cleaning policy followed by the clothes replacement policy).

I am gutted that I have glue on my beloved and favourite Armani jacket. I hope that it can be saved in Paradise* or otherwise B&Q face a £600 replacement bill.

Anyway I HAVE to learn from this. Stop going to The Dump and go and see the lovely people at Homebase when I have DIY needs. They may be an extra five minutes drive away but I won't end up wanting to tie bricks to my feet and jump in a reservoir after I leave.

* The lovely dry cleaners on Parkway in Camden.

Oh crap

We are ‘doing’ the bathroom at the moment. We are a few days in and when I got home from work last night all the HORRIBLE old suite was all gone. 'Hurrah' I thought, no more shell scallop-edged sink and loo and we promptly went around to stay at Nadia and Gareth’s home to stay the night (as there was no loo etc. at Chateau Cricklewood).

Dave the builder (good chap and really pleased to recommend him if you need a builder) called this morning to say that the new throne that we have purchased and due for installation today won’t fit. Aaaagggghhh!!!

So I come home from work and there it is: the annoying ugly toilet is back in position - gutted. We are meeting up with Dave first thing tomorrow morning to work out a plan of action. I know that I have lived with the shell monstrosity for 18 months but it was gone yesterday and like a bad smell it has returned.

Don't panic - I am sure this dire situation can be resolved.