New toilet heaven, B&Q hell

Pleased to report that Chad and I (plus Dave and Des the builders) managed to find a new loo that will fit - phew.

It did require us to go to B&Q as it opened at 8am, never a good place to be before you have had a cuppa. Team B&Q were their normal helpful selves! Classic this morning went like this...

Crump: 'Good morning, I wonder if you can help me'

B&Q staff member: 'Ugh' - not sure how to write the sound that a cave woman makes in the movies as she gesticulates at the fire and the lump of diplodocus flesh sizzling on it.

Crump: ‘Is the white glaze on the 'Madrid' toilet which is displayed downstairs going to match the glaze on this sink (pointing to the 'Valencia') which we already have?’

B&Q staff member who turns out to be the bathroom ‘expert’: ‘They are both white, so yes’

Crump: ‘Yes I can see that, but whites can be different. So are they going to be the same, or might there be a chance that they are different?’

B&Q: ‘They are white so they are the same’

Crump: ‘ Sorry, I don’t think I am explaining this properly. I can see that they are white, but whites can be different, they could come from a different manufacturer for example. So is there a chance that they could be different and that you would recommend me not to mix and match?’

B&Q: ‘They are white, so they are the same’

Crump: ‘Thanks for your insights’

B&Q: ‘No problem, you can do it if you B&Q it!’

OK she didn’t say the B&Q doing it bit but she may as well have done. This is why Homebase exists - to fill the oh so important void that is customer service and product knowledge in the world of DIY. Homebase might not have as much stock and different options - but the stores are clean, the stock is tidy and when you ask them a question they don't just shrug their shoulders or say 'I don't know' and walk away from you unlike their orange uniformed counterparts.

What I think is funny is that the 'You can do it of you B&Q it' TV adverts feature staff who act like they work in Homebase. I suppose it is good for a company like B&Q to be aspirational though;+)

Anyway, because of the whole white issue we bought a new 'Madrid' loo AND sink and we have to take the now redundant 'Valencia' items (which are currently residing in the lounge) back – wish us luck...

PS. I wonder what other city or region of the world will have the honour of sharing its name with a toilet suite range? B&Q already have the Toronto and the Glouchester. Having been to Valencia, Madrid, Toronto and Glouchester I cannot see the link.

PPS. Any suggestions for city / WC twinning?

Oh crap

We are ‘doing’ the bathroom at the moment. We are a few days in and when I got home from work last night all the HORRIBLE old suite was all gone. 'Hurrah' I thought, no more shell scallop-edged sink and loo and we promptly went around to stay at Nadia and Gareth’s home to stay the night (as there was no loo etc. at Chateau Cricklewood).

Dave the builder (good chap and really pleased to recommend him if you need a builder) called this morning to say that the new throne that we have purchased and due for installation today won’t fit. Aaaagggghhh!!!

So I come home from work and there it is: the annoying ugly toilet is back in position - gutted. We are meeting up with Dave first thing tomorrow morning to work out a plan of action. I know that I have lived with the shell monstrosity for 18 months but it was gone yesterday and like a bad smell it has returned.

Don't panic - I am sure this dire situation can be resolved.