Modern living: Automation drives me bingo bango

There is an old adage that ‘if it isn’t broke don't fix it’. I wish that organisations would remember this, especially when it comes to automation of customer service processes that seemed to work perfectly well prior to the implementation of an algorithm.

The biggest culprit is clearly the telephone helpline. I am sure that on paper they somehow make sense, i.e. money is being saved somewhere along the line. But what about the hapless mug on the end of phone? ‘Cause that's how you end up feeling.

How many times, having dialled the number, typing in endless hash tags and single digit numbers (a lá #1#5#4#1#5#2…) to navigate through endless menu options and then listening to muzak for 15 plus minutes you end up:

• With the phone being accidentally hung up as the operator answers


• With the line going dead as it simply times out


• Hanging up in pure frustration having been bored to death by a voice 'artist' who keeps telling you how they are ‘experiencing a higher than average volume of calls’

The whole telephone thing drives me crazy (top tip is just press nothing and often, after being prompted loads of times to press buttons, you get whizzed through to a person - RESULT).

A further example of automation craziness was last night. While waiting on the platform to come back on a train from Birmingham New Street station, I heard the following announcement: ‘I am sorry that the 22:30 to London Euston will be delayed…’ This again came from an automated system. In this instance ‘WE are sorry…’ would be better. I don’t want an apology from an automated system – I will let it apologise for the collective train company – but a computer generated human voice sorry just doesn’t wash.

This post was actually started on my Blackberry as I sat in the new and improved (!) post office, on the High Street in Camden. And yes folks, you guessed it they have gone all automated on us. Gone are the sheep pen ropes that zig zagged in front of the counters (obviously they were unloved – us Brits HATE queuing) and now we have a deli counter ticket system – one where you take a numbered ticket and wait your turn. This is complimented with a front of house refit – now more white with red, rather than red with white and faux red leather modern(ish) looking couches.

On paper I can see that this is a BRILLIANT idea – I can see the concept, the storyboard, I bet in the marketing team meeting it was fabulous. But guess what – it doesn’t work. Basically I waited for one whole hour – I’ve never queued in a post office for that long – ever. You cannot tell how long the wait is going to be – you just sit there – ageing.

When my number got called I had to stop myself from screaming out ‘House’ like I was in a bingo hall (I was surrounded by sweet old ladies). People were moaning and arguing with the staff left, right and centre – generally a miserable and depressing experience – well done Post Office.

One thought I have had is that this has been done on purpose. The point being to force people to do more things online. Create a bingo hall and folk like me won’t want to go on in there.

Modern living: Brandtastic and when they aren’t

A friend of mine, who also works in PR, showed my blog to her (lovely and very smart) boyfriend and he came across my post about my now dusty Cartier watch. He made a comment along the lines of “I like the way Neil writes, but he works in PR, doesn’t that mean that he should be all about the brand? I mean isn’t building brands what you guys do for a living?”

When I was told this I immediately got defensive (not too dramatically mind) and explained that my problem is not with brands themselves but rather when a brand lets you down, as Cartier did to me.

I have reread the Cartier watch post and can see that I might need to clarify my position a little. So thank you friend’s boyfriend for your insight. So here I go...

I do believe in the value of brands and yes part of what I do for a living is to build belief in them. I think that brands are powerful and by their very nature build loyalty – strong invisible ties that keep you coming back for more. They inspire us and give us a warm fuzzy glow when we interact with them.

Some of my favourites are:

• Clothes: Paul Smith, Nicole Farhi and Hugo Boss
• Electrical stuff: Sony , Toshiba and Miele
• Food: Sainsbury and Prêt-a-Manger
• Department stores: John Lewis
• Skin care: Clarins
• Cars: Mercedes Benz
• Sports clothing: Nike

This then extends into countries (Italy, Spain, Thailand and India), artists (Chris Bush), where I like to go and see films (Vue), the ice cream I love (Haagen Dazs) and even bins (Brabantia) I buy for my home (I’ve got three of them).

So I am an official brand lover and from my list of brands above you will have already got a feel for me as a person – drawing from your experience (whether as a fellow brand devotee or just having seen marketing relating to that brand such as an advert or maybe even an engaging viral). This short list of brands blends into a profile of me. Not all of me, not a definitive "yep I got this chap sussed" but more of a flavour.

Brands are about human interaction, they are built by organisations which are run by people and the consumer of that brand, who again are people, derive enjoyment from buying, visiting, using, etc, etc, etc, that brand.

As part of the brand experience there are always going to be times when a product lets you down – it’s normal, things break, they are after all just stuff, and stuff is fallible. I can cope when something screws up. What I hate is when something does go wrong and you give the brand an opportunity to correct it, and following this plea the response is "bugger off". They don’t try and keep you, they just spit you out. This is the problem with brands that don’t live up to the proposition, as Cartier did in my experience, where a ‘lifetime guarantee’ guaranteed absolutely nothing. We want brands (with all our heart) to deliver on the promise.

As the saying goes ‘To err is human’, and when we make an error we should apologies where necessary and strive to get it right. This is what great brands do (I will maybe post some more on great brand experiences in the future). The very process of correcting a problem reinforces our belief that our decision to engage with the brand was a good one in the first place, building more trust, more loyalty.

Phew, that was a long post, I hope that I have explained myself a little better. Anyway I’m off for a Diet Coke now ;+))

Modern living: Stress gets everywhere

If you are a townie like me and think that our modern urban lives are stressful, then please spare a though to our countryside dwelling friends...

I spotted this on the notice board in the the foyer of the Shropshire church where Ali and Emily were hitched.